I am alive. not broken. not fragments. not un whole. not hard. not bruised. not unholy. not my fear.

I am accepting. letting go. breathing. growing. softening. strengthening. enough. 

The best thing I ever did was surrender. To let go of the notion: "one day." Because there is never "when I am..."

You are now, you are here, you are alive. When you finally see yourself as whole, you stop waiting for the missing pieces. All along, you were enough. So what if you knew this from the start?

Let Us Flow

I look to the trees for guidance, comforted beneath their canopies.
Unwavering, their core. With trunks that do not budge.
Grounded, their roots. A foundation, resolute. 

But the tops of trees, they tell a different story. They sway. They stretch their limbs out to the sky. And their leaves, they change from time to time. Cracking, letting go, sometimes falling to the ground. 
It's the lessons from the branches that let us know we mustn't fight the wind. 
It's the lessons from the leaves that remind us we can grow anew. 
The movement will carry us. Things will change. We will stretch, and break, and sometimes, we will fall. 
But let us learn from the treetops; let us flow. 
Let us flow. 


A yearning. A need. A fire. So many times I want to pack a bag, throw it in my trunk and set out to *somewhere* in my car. So many times I've found myself thinking "anywhere could be better than here."  

Here. In this broken body that aches, confuses, and limits me. 

Here. In this place that is already beginning to quiet as summer says its goodbyes. A place rich with energy, warmth, and aliveness in the summer, but turns to solitude as the ocean winds bring cooling temperatures. A place that I'm fearful of because of the isolation it can bring.

Here. In my head again. A place that causes panic, sadness, guilt. What will I amount to? What parts of life will I forever miss? How can I be this, do that, see this, love that? 

I want to love it here: Here in my body. Here in my mind. Here in this place.

Freedom isn't always the ability to run away. Freedom is sometimes just opening your eyes and learning to love and appreciate where you are. 

Photographer: Jessie Shaw 

Photographer: Jessie Shaw